friendship goes both ways, right?

I'm at kind of a crossroads of things right now, and figured I'd gather opinions from a (mostly) neutral third party. In all honesty I can't really say I have many 'friends' on this forum. I have plenty of acquaintances, and I'm on good terms with most, but no one that I really hang out with from this forum (outside of Josh because he was my neighbor), i'm asking here.

When you think about someone that you consider a friend, it's a two way street, yes? Typically if someone considers you a friend, they make the occaisional effort to contact you? Or is it completely on you to keep in touch with 'friends', regardless of the fact that they rarely (if ever) contact you?

Because if friendship goes both ways and it's not unreasonable to expect that the other party reciprocates at least an effort to say 'hey' once in a while, I can count on one hand the number of actual friends that I have. And out of the four local car forums that I belong to, and the hundreds of people that I know from the military, that's pretty ****ing depressing.

 

It all comes down to what you consider a friend. Myself personally, I don't mind if I haven't talked to some one in a long while as long as there's no hard feelings. Sure people make extra effort to stay in contact with their closest friends but that doesn't mean that the rest of their friends are as important. In the same regard don't waste your time on some one if you feel they are genuinely a ****ty friend. That's my .02.

 

I have 4 friends that I consider them my own blood brothers. I'd do anything for them to an extent.

Then I have friends that I try to help out as much as I can with out causing any conflicts with my daily activities.

And then there are those dead beat friends and you don't know why you are still calling them friends.

 

I usually put as much effort into a friendship as they put in, but sometimes I feel like I do all the work and it sucks..I think having a few good ones is better than having a ton of ok friends. Being a girl on local car forums is hard I have nearly zero girlfriends and lots of guy friends so its different for me.

 

There are many levels to "friendship" and it would be careless if you see only the most extremes of friendship. Friendship is basically an exchange of hook-ups between one or more BRO. When I say "hook ups", I mean benefits shared that are not shared in the same way with another. Examples include going out of ones way to back you up whenever you're in a tight situation, not a c0ck-blocker (actually the opposite of that), knows what makes you tick and knows how to cool you off when you are, etc.There are many types of friends and it is very important to know where each of your friends stand. In one extreme, a friend calls all the time, checks up on you whenever you're not around, and will sacrifice what they have to protect you. In the other extreme, you have one that puts you down and makes you feel like you need them to live. Then you have what's in between--those you won't don't necessarily call a true friend but you need them around because they are the glue that holds the BROs together.

I can tell you that my best friend is my wife. Part of it is because the ring won't let me out and the other part is that she was there for me from day one and has sacrificed so much for me already. We continue to share our lives with each other everyday and it would take a lot to pull us apart.

So there you have my it-- my deep thoughts for Sunday morning. Where you place yourself in front of others is your choice and I hope your decision makes you all the wiser.

 

Kickin_81 said it pretty good there, agreed!

But I also agree with friendships being a two way street, if they are not putting any effort back into your friendship and seem to always flake out or NEVER call to hang out. Then personally, I give the same amount of effort back. My immediate friends are probably only 4 or 5, these are the people I talk to and see on almost a daily basis. Then you have my friends that are part of the group and I still like, but they tend to flake out more or make poor decisions, so I distance myself. (These are the people I've known for SEVERAL years and know each others past very well.) Then you have your "distant friends" (well really these people are friends of friends and you only accept them being around because your "friend" likes them.)

I try to call and hang out with my core 4 or 5 as much as I can, because they sacrifice just as much as I do to spend time together doing derpish things and hang out.

The second circle of friends I call but prioritize other events over seeing them, and would rather do something else.

and the more distant ones are just kinda on a if I see you basis I'll talk to you. (I would probably classify these as acquaintances)

Personally, I try to help my friends in any way I can. I've always tried to put forth an effort into my friendships, to be the best person I can be. I do this because it's an enjoyment for me to help people, and I try to take that very seriously.

 

Am I your friend... I didn't even get a wedding invite... But maybe that's why I didn't help you move either... J/K I was at my cabin all weekend or I would have... Everyone needs a battle buddy from time to time

 

Be smart and protect yourself first before assuming anyone and everyone is your friend.

 

I don't assume everyone is my friend, I posted this thread because there are a few specific people that I have in mind when asking this question, people that I have known for a long time. We used to be a close knit group, but I feel like it's drifted quite a ways, and it's been kinda bugging me for a couple weeks. I wanted to get some third party opinions, that's all.

 

We do need to hang out more, no doubt about it. But I get to see you pretty much all weekend, which is win. In retrospect, I havent talked to the best man in MY wedding in over two years, he hasnt even met my 2.5 year old son, and we had been best freinds since we were about 11..... Life gets busy, things happen and before you know it years pass.

 

Then decades pass and then you die.

 

Agree 100%. A lot of things happen in life that cause change (jobs, significant other, marriage, kids, moving, etc.) and sometimes friends fall to the wayside....after all, you should be putting yourself first. I've always considered the best kind of friends to be those who you could go months not talking to and not skip a beat the next time you see/talk to them. Hell, I just got called up a buddy I hadn't talked to in a few years and met up for a couple of drinks. We were never pissed at each other or anything like that, but we just went different directions out of High School. We had fun catching up and now that we're both at similar stages of our life, we're back to being the best of friends...unfortunately he's since been deployed.

My old group of friends was very selfish and didn't like me spending more time on my job, gf, and family and they made a big fuss about it. They preferred for me to sit in their basement, drink, and play PS3 every weekend. Granted, that's fun every now and then, I just don't need friends who refuse to understand why I would want to do other things.

What I'm starting to realize is that you look around and think everyone else has all of these great friends, but they are most likely in the same boat as you.

 

yes, but quality friendship is someone who you can not talk to for a few months, then pick right back up where you were when you last saw them... Isn't that right readymix?

I personally cannot talk because I'm the person who's always off doing ****. My weekends and job fill everything up, and a lot of good friends on here know that. (You know who you are). I try to meet up when I can, but sometimes **** doesn't always work out.