Actual conversation between my wife and the moron with an H2 on base (yes... he drives an H2 in japan) Working under the red mini in the shop. H2: Well that's a cute little car isn't it? Wife: Yeah, it's fun to drive. H2: Wow, don't you feel unsafe in such a little car? Wife: My husband drives it more, but I guess you just pay more attention to the other idiots on the road, kinda like riding a motorcycle. H2: You ride a motorcycle? Wife: Yep. H2: So your husband drives this? Wife: Yep, every day. H2: Huh pause........................ H2: I don't know how can he drive such a small car. Wife: Oh, that's because he has a large *****. H2: Ha ha ha, no seriously. Wife: No, seriously, I've seen it. H2: <walks away> Me: <in tears laughing my ass off> Side note, the guy got a parking ticket the other day for parking in two spots. He made a formal complaint to the Provost Martial (Police Chief) who replied, "We are not going to stroke your ego, you were the one who chose to bring that massive vehicle to a country with very little room on the road, the ticket stands."
((((RING)))) (((RING))) **Pick Up** "Hello?" "Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?" "No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank." After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Frank." "Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now" Brief Pause... "Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway." "Okay Daddy, just a minute." A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "I did it Daddy." "And what happened honey?" he asked. "Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!" "Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Frank?" "He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead" ***Long Pause*** ***Longer Pause*** Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool??? .....Is this 555-7039??"
A local law enforcement officer stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that day he decides to give the poor fellow a break and write him but a warning instead of a ticket. So, he asks the man his name. "Fred," he replies. "Fred what?" the officer asks. "Just Fred," the man responds. When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks he has a nutcase on his hands but plays along with it. "Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?" The man replies, "It's a long story so stay with me. I was born Fred Dingaling. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older I real! ized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree so I was Fred Dingaling, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through school, got my degree so I was now Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry so I started fooling around with my assistant. She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD so they took away my DDS so I was Fred Dingaling MD with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD. Then the VD took away my dingaling so now I'm just Fred." The officer walked away in tears laughing.
