Official Subaru Fanboy Teeth-Gnashing and Benchracing Thread.

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by readymix, Oct 4, 2012.

  1. readymix
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    readymix ...Lest ye be trod upon... Staff Member

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    The history goes much further back than that. 1st Century Romans used EJ257 boxers to power their chariots for the races. The horses were just there so as not to confuse the unwashed masses. And Moses parted the Red Sea, but not by any help from God or whatever, it was actually a Subaru Robin engine powered sump pump. It sucked water out so fast that gravity couldn't bring the two sides of the sea together fast enough.
     
  2. BroCo
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    BroCo Moderator Staff Member

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    To touch on that a bit further. It is believed that Moses actually experienced the first known Subaru ring land failure while parting the Red Sea. This is why it returned to it's natural state.
     
  3. twiztid_rs
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    twiztid_rs Well-Known Member

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    True story.... The movie "Back To The Future" was originally going to have a Subaru Brat instead of a Delorean, but the producers knew that in Part II when they go forward into the future they would have to upgrade the brat with more STI awsomeness and in turn bring back the greatest supercar ever to the old west in part III only to be going so fast that they pass by the old west in time and actually unmake the world as we know it which only would leave an STI in existence.... Thus making STI.... GOD

    and if you're too retarded to understand that just think, what is STI spelled backwords???? GOD, THATS WHAT.
     
  4. readymix
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    readymix ...Lest ye be trod upon... Staff Member

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    Your logic is flawless.
     
  5. tangledupinblu
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    tangledupinblu Event Coordinator Staff Member

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    No sir, but close! They were single turbo'd td04's. The twin turbo's were first used on the Oregon Trail. I would know...i am a Subaru History Major, with a Masters in Fast.
     
  6. readymix
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    readymix ...Lest ye be trod upon... Staff Member

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    Alot of people don't know this, but it isn't gravity that causes the Earth or any other planetary mass to go around the Sun. Mount Everest is actually just a rocky shell for a giant Subaru boxer motor. They housed it in a mountain to hide it from people, because if someone got in there and yanked on the throttle cable, Earth would be shot out of the solar system and into deep space.
    Another interesting factoid, while it is impossible to exceed the speed of light, if the Mt Everest Boxer Motor were ever throttled, Earth would exceed the speed of light. Well, technically it would. Though the planet wouldn't actually be moving that fast, it would warp space-time around us, and the fabric of space would expand behind us at faster than the speed of light. Which is perfectly acceptable in Einstein's theories. Though, Einstein did suggest that the amount of power the Giant Mt. Everest Boxer could produce could potentially move an object at greater than light speed, he said he was too stupid to wrap his head around the math involved to make it work. That's why, even today, scientists insist that the speed of light cannot be exceeded.
     
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  7. tangledupinblu
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    tangledupinblu Event Coordinator Staff Member

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    Subaru=MC 2
     
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  8. Driveshaft
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    Driveshaft Well-Known Member

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    The real reason Sheriff Buford T. Justice could never catch the Bandit is because the Trans Am was really a Subaru with a one off JDM body kit designed by Japanese sword-smiths to slice through the air.
     
  9. blackozone
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    blackozone Well-Known Member

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    The Manhatten Project was started not to develop nuclear weaponry, but to develop something more powerful than an STI. Once the project proved to be impossible, they dropped the failed prototypes onto Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
     
  10. readymix
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    readymix ...Lest ye be trod upon... Staff Member

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    Later, Subaru would open a manufacturing plant in Indiana to mock us for thinking we could compete.
     
  11. twiztid_rs
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    twiztid_rs Well-Known Member

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    The stealth bomber, often regarded as the greatest plane man has ever created, is in fact a Subaru STI with the rear spoiler attatched to the doors. After the first initial test flight, the sheer velocity,speed and heat manipulated the body panels into the shape it is today.

    Side note... The Wright brothers were actually 2 gypsies that could see into the future and saw the awesome power that is the STI and designed their first Plane on the shape of the holy grail of spoilers that is the STI's.
     
  12. retreif
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    retreif Well-Known Member

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    You are mixing things up - SR71 = STI with wings. STIs are fast, stealth bombers are slow.
     
  13. xluben
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    xluben Well-Known Member

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    In a straight line my car is faster than just about any stock "supercar". Vette's, Viper's, Mustang's, Ferrari's, Porche's, R8's, etc.

    I bet all those rich guys are pretty pissed. :bounce:
     
  14. readymix
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    readymix ...Lest ye be trod upon... Staff Member

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    The only real rich people actually own Subarus. The "exotic" car owners buy their crap on credit.
     
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  15. xluben
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    xluben Well-Known Member

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    It's so dumb to spend that much money on a car and then have it be slower than a Subaru.
     
  16. Ylime
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    Ylime Well-Known Member

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    rich guys are just jealous..so are cops cause im awesome aint no one gonna beat my lgt.
     
  17. Shibbs
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    Shibbs The Daywalker

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    I sold my Subaru and actually got un-laid.
     
  18. Ylime
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    Ylime Well-Known Member

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    I heard subarus posses all the missing souls of gingers...
     
  19. Shibbs
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    Shibbs The Daywalker

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    Nah, that's bull****. We hide stolen souls in our freckles.
    But this thread isn't about gingers. It's about how absolutely amazing and perfect Subarus are.
     
  20. readymix
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    readymix ...Lest ye be trod upon... Staff Member

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    Right, it's about perfection. Which is why we shouldn't be bringing up the genetic failure that is "gingers."
     
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  21. readymix
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    readymix ...Lest ye be trod upon... Staff Member

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    There are no 24" rims. There are only 20" rims. When you put them on Subarus, they become 24" rims. If you take them off, they return to their non-baller state.
     
  22. readymix
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    readymix ...Lest ye be trod upon... Staff Member

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    Also, while the math would indicate you can't fit 24's on a Subaru, by putting them on one, the Subaru makes them fit. In fact, all wheel and tire configurations fit on a Subaru without issue because of this phenomenon.
     
  23. Ryan
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    Ryan Sled drifting master

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    I lost my turbo. Can you help me find it?
     
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  24. AWDimprezaL
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    AWDimprezaL has more posts than you

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    Bass it.
     
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  25. idget
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    idget Want to pokéman? PM ShortytheFirefighter Staff Member

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    Did you search your exhaust bunghole thoroughly? It's been known to be a cavernous black hole that could easily swallow up a turbo.
     
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  26. ShortytheFirefighter
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    ShortytheFirefighter Pokemans. I has none. Staff Member

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    I've heard it has a gravitational field of it's own capable of pulling in anything not firmly anchored down.
     
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  27. Jerf
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    Jerf Well-Known Member

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    SOA is just an entity of Subaru of the Universe.
     
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  28. Jerf
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    Jerf Well-Known Member

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    SOA is just an entity of Subaru of the Universe.
     
  29. tangledupinblu
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    tangledupinblu Event Coordinator Staff Member

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    Which is creator of all...
     
  30. kickin_81
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    kickin_81 Well-Known Member

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    Last week when I went in for an appointment to Dave's Muffler in St. Paul to have them fix an exhaust leak on my FXT, he said "You called earlier right? And you drive a Saab?" and I responded "WTF? It's a Subaru, MF!" He then said, "oh right. I couldn't remember but it was something like that. But I will remember the next time since I failed to acknowledge that you had a Subaru and how superior Subarus are compared to all the other cars I work on."
    That's right, beotch.













    Just kidding about the last part. I love Dave and his goons. They've gone a long way and still charge very little for quality exhaust work. Highly recommend for anyone needing exhaust work (but you must have a cat converter installed if you want them to touch your car).
     
  31. blackozone
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    blackozone Well-Known Member

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    Subaru's don't need cats because they're so efficient. They have a Zero-Emission plant in KY, it actually puts oxygen into the air and purifies the bodies of water around it.
     
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  32. tangledupinblu
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    tangledupinblu Event Coordinator Staff Member

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    Yes, Subarus reverse global warming effects also.
     
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  33. freeze2104
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    freeze2104 Well-Known Member

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    i wish there was a like all button for this thread... ive been giggling since page 1
     
  34. twiztid_rs
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    twiztid_rs Well-Known Member

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    In all actuality, its not reversing global warming. Its superman reversing time like he did in the first superman movie, to save Lois lane. Although what the documentary didn't show you was the fact that superman knew he could never fly fast enough to reverse the earths spin on it's axis. He in reality jumped into his WRB wrx and was on his way to saving the day. However, contrary to popular belief, he didn't have to drive fast to stop the earths spin. Superman only pointed the wrx in the opposite direction of the earths rotation and only launched the car. The wrx's insane torque mixed with Awd caused the earths spin to instantaneously stop and the reverse rotation. So in short, superman drives a wrx
     
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  35. phi11
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    phi11 Well-Known Member

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    sti.jpg
     
  36. StanmoXT
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    StanmoXT Well-Known Member

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    I read somewhere that a subaru H6 was used as the motor for the pumps on Moses's Arc to adjust the balast.
     
  37. blackozone
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    blackozone Well-Known Member

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    Gone off any sweet jumps lately? Not unless you drive a Subaru.

    Fun Fact: Girlfriends of Camaro SS owners fantasize about me and my STI during coitus.
     
  38. phi11
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    phi11 Well-Known Member

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    "I don't alway ask full KBB price,
    But when I do, I double it!"
     
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  39. BroCo
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    BroCo Moderator Staff Member

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    Such a classic thread!
     
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